THE PURSUIT - with Patrick Kerwin
THE PURSUIT - with Patrick Kerwin

Episode 26 · 1 month ago

What Advice Would YOU Give Your 20-Something Self? | Our Best Tips on Love, Career, and Success


In this episode of our Sunday Sit Down, we look back on hard life lessons we've learned, and the advice we would pass on to our younger selves. Plus some bonus advice from our amazing community. 

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He go getters welcome back to anotherepisode of the pursuit we go live every week to give you the big ideas. Youneed to grow yourself, your business and your impact. Now today's show we'reasking a very important thought exercise and this one's about whatadvice? Would you give your twenty something self or, if you're, in yourtwenty somethings? What advice would you give your dumb team self to helpyou navigate life to live more fully and be happier in the path that youknow is before you? So if that's something interested in and want to getmore like this, make sure to like this, video common blow helps so much withthe algorithm and if you want to stay tuned to these, make sure you getnotice by any other times. You go live, especially for a new to make sure itthat bell notified any future content. Hey, I'm Patrick, I'm Katie and well.This is gonna, be an interesting one. I'm really excited to dig into this oneand whether you're watching us here on Youtube facebook wherever you'recatching us or you catching us on on the companion, podcast we're just gladyou're here. So let's get right into this. We got some even stuff from thecommunity that people will, and so I'm excited to get in some community stuff.Let's just kick it off right now, okay, I'm going to turn to you on this one you're talking your twenty year oldself. What advice would you give this wonderful person as they're justgetting started on their row they've, so many questions. What's one of thebig piece of advice that you give this person well thinking back to when I wasin my is, I felt very like unsure about what I was doing. I had lots of ideasand things that I was interested in, but I had kind of like no idea aboutwho I really was or what what line of my passion I should be pursuing. So myfirst piece of advice is that when you're in your is start thinking aboutwho you really are on the inside and start feeding that now it's kind ofstrange time to be like in college or you're, trying to get your first job oryou really just you know going to Grad school or whatever, because you areworking to satisfy your teacher or your professor or your boss, and a lot of itis so focused on meeting somebody else's expectations. But I wouldn'tencourage anybody to really just think about who they are on the inside andhave the the gumption and the courage to push against your leaders andquestion them and question everything, because if you can really becomeconfident in yourself and what you're questioning? Oh, I think people who aredoing that are going to go far. I love that. I I want to say like questioneverything or everyone in your life, but if you're, it's like how do youdiscover your own inner leader while you're going to have to start leading,which means you're going to have to start carving your own Forward Hath inthat regard? Before we get too deep in these andIdaten, we have some community stuff. We want to get into a first size,making knowledge that I am dressed thematic. I want to get into my twentyyear old self. I got a Hoodie od, I'm getting into the vibe of my my you looktwenty five not a day over twenty five, my birthday's coming up I'll, be fortyfor over forty or in my s, is how old Iwill be. I can and say it the the challenge. I think a lot of hisface when we go through these stages of our life is oh, it's the hard part. Isthere so much? We know now that we wish. We knew then like if I'd only known,but it's also part of the journey of discovery. It's also part of you gothrough these bombs and these bruses and you get these things, but that'ssort of the purpose of the road, like I sure, you've got all we've all got toearn our shrives we've all got to say, like Hey. Here's how I learned thislesson, nothing else, just for the benefit of being able to tell thestories. Oh Yeah, like Oh yeah, if we all lived in a padded room or wheresomeone's protected us from all the pain we've ever experienced, wewouldn't grow. We wouldn't develop and wouldn't be the people we are today. Sothese questions aren't to stop or pass... from experiencing this Oh yeah, butjust to give us that understanding of where how far we've come. You know howpeople sometimes say what regrets do you have yeah? I don't think you shouldever look like. Maybe there's a couple things you can be like. Maybe thatwasn't the best choice that I made that day, but you know you probablyshouldn't. Try not forget anything because everything you did you eitherlearn something or you impacted something or something impacted you.You learned what you shouldn't do, or you learned what you know what youdon't like doing so like, even if it the experience, might have really hurtat the time. I don't think you should put the regret label on it because itreally taught you something. So I just don't like when people are saying wellWilliam. What are you regret about what in your past or like? HMM, nothing,because I wouldn't be where I am today, yeah, there's no time for regret. Ithink it's another thing I hold. It is just make another one like hey you're,going to make mistakes. Let yourself be human, there's no needto fill Yourselfi with regret and remorse. I mean the if you donesomething terrible and you should feel guilty about it. It's always good tofeel something. But let's get in. I have I one here: here's something thatI would tell my my twenty something self and I put myarm an go t assuming time travel and no patine paradoxes would occur and Iwouldn't like see my pass Elf and then time itself exploded. Let's assume, all,let's assume that's all working I'd say to myself: Listen you're goingthrough some stuff right now, the stuff that you meant to go through and noneof it's going to make sense looking forward. But I promise you would allmake sense, looking backwards and you'll look back and you'll say. Oh,that's why I went through this because they prepared me for this otheropportunity. That's why I had to go through this break. That's why I I thefirst two times I try to business a gasolene everything we go through. Itteaches us, it feeds us and helps us grow for that next thing that becomesour success story. So to never try to understand it look forward, but youalways understand it looking backwards. What do you think about that idea ofunderstanding and looking backwards? Well, I think that's why old peoplelike us are so wise. I thank you for throwing yourself in tothe old thing, although I am less than I'm less than forty, nor less that I amunder forty. So that's positive like that's! Why, as old people are so wiseand the older you get the wiser you become so it's kind of funny whenyou're like in your ties- and you see some forty year olds doing their thingand you're like Oh, my God, that'll, never be me well kind of will be it'sinevitable and those people know a lot. And even I love thinking about older,older people who are you know toward the Ford, the end of their life andcollege year? U What wisdom they have because they have experienced so much,and I think sometimes we don't give those wise people the credit thatthey're do, because I know it might seem, like you know, the old guy onyour blocks, telling a funny weird story but like he has been through alot. He knows you should try to tune into those people and see what you canlearn from them. Yeah they've got their they've, earned their stripes and alsothe idea of you used to have call them elders. Now we just called them elderly.I think we need to bring elder back to point into the the language, but youknow one of the things that you were saying kind of leads me to my nexttopic, which is what you're doing now really mattersand even if it might not seem like it, even if you're, not like kind of like aPatrick, was saying, even if you're not really sure. What's the point of this,what am I doing you and be trying to just get through your days? You knowwishing time would go faster, so you can reach a point. Maybe reach an agethat doesn't really matter, because what you're doing right now does matter,and even if you might not know what what good it's going to do in yourfuture, it's probably going to do something good. So, whatever you'redoing just give it your best,...

...and if you are going to school, you'regoing to college or Grad School, try hard good to grades because they keep asking about those grades. Can you send me Your Collegetranscripts? Can I not send you those grips? You do realize. That was a longtime. That was real tellus. No, I absolutely agree. That's you don't knowthe impact of the things you're doing, but that doesn't mean that the thingsyou're doing don't matter now, just always give it your very best, eventhough what you define is your best will always grow as you grow whateverthat best is for you, I can't give it your best, because that's the only wayyou're ever going to feel good about anything in life of your best. Yourrelationships give your best like I feel like. I should ask something: Giveyour best. Your relationships, give your best to your health, give yourbest to everything you got, even though your best is always evolving, so weactually on the pause. We actually have a few from the community that I want togo over. How were quick before, because we have a couple more things we want toshare, but here's one from lacy at lacy j fought and also he can find her atthanks bry. I love this one. She says: Nothing is he so if she could talk toher twenty something self she'd tell her hey this life. Isn't you know, butthere's the phrase: a ball of bag of a bolt of Char Life? Isn't ter it's hard.It's got some challenges, but to be ready for the challenges, becausenothing is easy and knowing lacy, I might add this to kind of under whatshe's saying is whatever that thing is that you want expect challenge, expect it's not goingto be a flat. TERRAN expect an uphill battle, but it's at uphill clime. Thatmakes the victory the top that much more worth it and satisfying so yeah.We things easy. What's that quote the obstacle is the way. Yes, so you haveto go through it to get to get to the other side, and you know the more youdo things the easier it becomes. The more you test yourself and the more youovercome challenges, the more you become more confident and it's whenYour N, O R is and you're young. You just might not be used to doing this,so you just have to practice just do it over and over again and it'll becomeeasier. I love that. I do want to call on with that idea and we're in thestates we're in America right now and one of the phrases that I love it Ithink kind of builds stronger on this is that we have the freedom. We havethe right to the pursuit of happiness, no one's guaranteed happiness. No onehas happiness, dropped off of their door, step like Amazon to day shipping,but what you have especially in America, is the right to pursue your happiness,the right to chase what you're looking for- and it's not always going to beeasy. But I think we've said here that pursuit is worth it, especially becausewe believe here at Legacy Life and Myself Katy, and both personally, thatyou as a human being, have incredible gifts to offer this world, and when yougive them that's what gives life it's it's flavor, I feel like even theselittle things were doing and like we're nine to like twenty things, but we'reonly here to get like four five. We but yeah you talking about just provokesnew thought by the way, if you're watching- and you want to comment belowwith something that you would tell your twenty something self. Let us know thecomments we love to hear from you. We read all the comments. We love. You bepart of this conversation, even if you're not watching it as we'rerecording this all right, I'm going to get into another one here. I've gotanother one I want to get into and this one. This is personally something thatI've learned on my journey and I use this an opportunity to tell people this,as often as I possibly can, and here so many people out there with nerves andanxiety and they're just trying to find their way to themselves. So my adviceto my twenty something self would be look square in the eyes. Say: Hey thatthing: you're insecure about that quirky part of your personality thatyou're wondering. Does the world even want to see this two answers? One? Yes, the world needsto see that, because that quirky thing... have a thing that makes uniquelyyou may be a little strange in your current eyes. That's your meal ticketfor the future that passion you have that interest. You have the thing thatyou love the thing that you look at. You Go! Oh well, here, l, the sheep andthe crowd are marching in this one line in this direction. I feel like I'm justa little different good, then, when business called that a differentiator,be that unique thing that makes you you. It is your meal ticket for the futureand there's no reason to feel shame about it at all. That's that'ssomething that I would tell him. That's great, my younger self. If I had aoportunity Goen be with arm round the shoulder toowould be like hey, listen! You man come here and me tell you something, ofcourse, I'd be freaked out seeing my older self, like your hair, goes greatlike shot for me, Talkin, like that, I a good o good at great called SilverFox boy. You get there one. So how would? How would you describe yourselfwhen you were in your twenties when I was in my ts, yeah? Well, I so I metyou when you were twenty seven, so I knew that you e end of your twite. Myis how are you in your early Twenties Gosh? I'm man a mess. Can I say theword mess like some mess? I N I had. I had a lot of insecurities. I wasnervous. I had a lot of questions about life and I living- and I guess I wasjust more like walking around. I F like I was experientially walking aroundstumbling into things and falling over and then wondering if I could get backup after a stone bowl, but I was making in that youthful was making some of myfirst big mistakes. I got my first major car accidents. I had my firstheart: big heart breaks and break up. So everything was a. We talk about thiswhen you're young everything is a series of first, it hurts more. Ithurts so much more like you're, just a baby in the world. You know, like I'm,twenty four, I'm so growing up. No you're, not just baby the O s. The babyin the Rod is the baby walking around in the world, don't even know what'sgoing on yet sorry, if I just hurt the feeling forsomebody, but when you get double digits, when you could double that ageyou're, like Oh ma, when I was half my age now, you think the things perspectivechanges right perspective changes. Is there anything else that you want toadd in terms of now that we're talking but anything provoked in you? I M A D N.If you don't have it, that's fine, but well so who I was when I was in mytwenties was. I was also nervous and I didn't reallyhave a lot of confidence, but I also felt like I had a lot of energy to dothings, but I didn't really know what I was doing. So it was a combination oflike desires to do things and also like some serious self conscious. I didn't know what I was doing. You know what I mean and I felt justlike a bit uncomfortable and I just didn't like have the most positiveoutlook. All the time sometimes I did if I was like really engaged insomething at other times. I was like totally questioning what am I doing andI didn't know O, and I was also very hard on myself a lot of the time youknow I've talked on this show about being a perfectionist and a people,pleaser and also kind of like a high strung and uptight an a lot of ways,maybe like I'm still that way down times, but so my last piece of advice that Iwould tell my twenty something self is just because something goes wrong inyour is he's not the end of the world. It's not going to keep you from gettingyour goal. It's really not it's just a small thing, and I think when you're inyour ties, you can get kind of a narrow view, and you really just don't have aconcept of the big picture, so I would say, don't look side of the big picture,even if something goes wrong. Even if you mess something up, you did something wrong. You made amistake like it's really not the end of the world and, like we just said things hurt, theyhurt so much more when you've not experienced it before but like once.You go through hard things and you will.

You will go through failures, deaths oflove, ones, heartbreak! All of this lots of hard bad things, but the moreyou overcome them. You know that you can get to the other side and that'snot to say that you forget what happened. You do remember what happenedyou and you either learn from that experience or you keep that thatexperience in your heart in some way, so it can try to change your outlook onlife, but it one thing is not the end of the world. I love that that's reallyreally great and that kind of pick it backs off the looking backwards common.I said earlier, like you're, not going to understand it looking forward, butyou will understand it when you turn around years later and Goin. That's whyI went through that and that's why this person told me no and of course youdon't know any of that when you're going through it right and how can you,like you, a wise counsel to your friend who has to go through something likethat? Do you know man life? That's what I love this question. I love thisthought exercise because it's not it's not just a time travel question: It's acan. We just acknowledge how much we've all grown up. Can we just allacknowledge how how much life lessons we've learned along the way and howmuch really we have to give by looking at this question and provoking that inyou, I ca realize how why you actually are right, so good, yeah, so good yeah,think good tom to you were so grown up. So let me let me get another one here.This is, and I I'm Gonta do another one from the community. This mean I teach this to our son allthe time. I teach us a anyone. I can because I've realized how powerfulwords are. So my advice to my twenty something: Self: Hey Self, remove cantfrom your vocabulary, just remove it. You can do hard things, and maybe youhaven't done these things before. But let me tell you a couple things aboutyourself: Young Self, one you're, smart and you're savvy and you can learnyou've learned so many things you didn't know how to walk, and you learnhow to walk it. You know all hot talk. You learn how to talk. There's so manythings that at first, when you tried to do it, it seemed insurmountable, butmore you practice the more it becomes, a skill, the more it becomes automatedit become. you become unconsciously competent, as we say in the personaldevelop industry, and once you get to that space and you can learn anything,you could do anything so remove cant from your vocabulary. That's one of thethe ones that I would personally. If I can go back in time and tell that tomyself like yeah yeah, you can, even though it doesn't fit in your identityright now, it will want you, try it on enough times right, I would say, that'smess Bo, especially about public speaking, especially about leadership,especially about just business, all that stuff, that Idon't think I had in certain nape qualities and I think people look forinnate qualities like Oh, why didn't come from a family of this or I didn'tcome from a lineage of that there, for maybe it's not in my blood or it so gowatch or like the opposite or like everybody, and my family has done this.So that's what I'm going to do? Yes, yes, which is kind of what I did, whichis something that really bothered me for along time, but but even that, I would tell myself likeit's going to it's all going to work out like to where you know, I'm veryhappy with what I am doing now, but I wasn't you know ten years agoyeah. So that's another thing I would tell myself like this is all going toit's all going to work out. It's all going to work out all right. Let's goback to one from the community here I want to come back to this one from Pittat pity's Mama this on Instagram, by the way stop trying to be who everyonewants you to be and just be confidently you. I think that kind of plays intowhat you were saying just a moment ago about there's so much that the world isasking you to be and to have the courage to carve your own path and bewho you really are, and obviously that's that's in the process ofdiscovery who you really are, but I think you- and I both agree that who we are, is there's this core littlelight. That's in all of us, that is who...

...we are, and I think a lot of us spendour whole life like trying to get away from that, but really leaning into thatwho you always have been. That's that's a gift. I would also add that to thegifts you can give yourself and you really have to work hard to uncover itbecause wheat, we tell little kids exactly what to do. We tell them whatto do constantly. We tell me when to talk. We tell them when to be quiet. Wetell them when to go to sleep. We tell them when to eat. They have like no, no, no, no suf direction, theydon't you know they. We tell them what to say. We tell them how to talk. Wetell them how to be and like so that happens to all of us and it happensfrom you know the time we can remember anything and then we go to school, andthen the teachers tell us what to do and we're on the sports team and thesports coach tells us what to do, and then I don't know we're in the dorm andthen they're telling us what to do all the time. Oh my God, no wonder no yeah,it's hard to overcome that. So if, if we could just oh man- I don't know- Idon't know how to solve that problem, because how do you parent, you know what I meanit's like. You have to try to find a balance when you are trying to guide someone andteaching them. What to do. That's a hard one though it is a hard woman. CanI get to share with you something that I've the way I've done it and thisbasically contrary to. Maybe some people spend a time along with yourself.Sometimes the only way to get in touch with your own voice is to get away fromeveryone else's voice and whether it's sitting in meditation or going onretreat or you got to spend time with you get to know you and do some of theexercises and maybe work for some of the coaches and things like that thathelp you therapist whatever they help you dial in and tune into your ownchannel, because otherwise everyone else's voice with his drying out yourown, and you won't really know who you are in the world and then, if you waslike, wouldn't it be great if we started to do that in our early israther than in our early S, which I think is when a lot of people like hefidely start like get into more personal development, I mean thatwasn't on my raider at all. When I was in my early Danes, I was I was tryingto win the race. I think I was trying to really be in the race and try to wininstead of thinking like what. What do I want to be doing yeah? What's yourNorth Star, what guides you and how do I think I ha no idea is yeah. I don'tthink I had a very good compass that age all right got two more for you andthen we'll we'll close out today. So hang out, we got two more here for thelessons that I wish. I knew in my twenties or or said another way, if Icould go back in time, put your arm around your past self. What would yousay to yourself again? Let us know in the comments what you would say, whatadvice wisdom you pass on. I got two more for you. Here's number one, this man this is this is a big one. Forme, I'd say self. Your thoughts are things so stand guard at the door ofyour mind, because the thoughts you think, if you have a negative thoughtand makes a negative feeling and then that negative state of mind you're,making negative decisions which are negatively impacting your future. So ifyou want to change your future, if you want to become the person that you'reproud of you have to start with this understanding, that thoughts are realthings, they have substance and those thoughts affect your future, so standguard at the door of your mind. I know this is something you agree with bigtime. YEA The lessons you've learned this late, though this wasn't somethingthat you just like in your twenties like yeah, but affect my really. Thisis something that you've kind of more recently come into. Definitelydefinitely- and I wish I had I wish I had had more of a concept of that whenI'm young, when I was younger, it's fine to start digging into anything atany time in your life. I don't care. If you're in S S S, I don't care, you knowif you can start to consider your thoughts and the thesubconscious programming that we have, and how can we look at those thoughtsand determine? Is this thought? Is this...

...a true thing or is it just a thought?Is it a thing or a real thing? You know you said your thoughts are things. Yes,that is absolutely true and you could have this false thought in your mind.That is just filtering everything that you see. I totally agree. I like theidea of the filter. It's like a lens in which saving ourselves the world andlife itself. I got one more and it's all about relationships. So, let's talkabout relationships. As I mean, if I didn't go back and put my armor on mypass off and give any relationship advice, I would call that not worth thetime crystals that it took to go back in time right. So here's what I wouldtell my pass off in curious. What would you tell your past self aroundrelationships? Let us know in the comments below, but here's the one Iwould pass on, and we actually have an episode on this. I put a put a linkabove here in a minute beholding to yourself. When it comes torelationship it comes to being successful in love and connectionandfriendships. Behold unto yourself, don't ask someone else to love theparts of you that you will not love yourself. Oh I'm arrogant and Blah Blah Blah. Idon't like those parts I said Hey, but will you like those things? Will youlove those things? No, why are you putting that on somebody else? That'syour job to be whole, unto yourself to love all the parts of yourself and thenget into a relationship with someone where you share that love you have foryourself and the parts of yourself with someone else versus asking someone elseto take down the things that you only want to touch. That's that to me is- orsome version of that is what I would impart upon my struggling lost, twentysomething self who had no idea how to navigate the world of relationships,and I think if I only knew that the problems, I could have dodged rightin my life right and while you were talking, I was thinking how a lot ofpeople who get together when they're, very young, the relationship doesn'tnecessarily work out, because you both didn't, really know who you were on theindividual level. And then you said, like you felt that you had expectationsabout who that person should be or who they would be. And then it didn't turnout to be that way but like if both people in the relationship were kind ofon solid footing on their own. I think it would be much more likely that theywould land with the right person and then have a successful relationship. Sothat's really interesting, but you know I feel, like a lot of people aregetting together later in life, they ah for the reason yeah yeah. I mean forthat reason, because the P they've spent so much time working onthemselves or maybe like pursuing their personal career goals or school goalsor whatever they're doing and then kind of land with the Nice Person. So Ithink that's rather beautiful and I don't think it's necessary just to tryto get married up when you're younger get married unless that's your thintegus are thing just make sure that you are good with yourself. You can't really control other people,but if you can be good with yourself, I think that you will attract the rightperson into your life. Who Will you know, be a good compliment to you notto finish you up, but just to be a good painite yeah exactly it's. Instead oflike the picturing two half circles that make cowholme garbage picture twowhole circles holding hands right, that's what that's what we really wantto get to, or I guys thanks so much for tuning in for another episode of thepursuit. We hope you learn something if you get if you want to stay tuned toother episodes like this other content, like this make sure to like this video.We love likes the button. That's right there, just a good high, find that,like button subscribe to the channel hit that Buildin modified of any futurecontent, will you be notified every time I go, live or make any contentlike this, so Katie, let's, let's say goodbye. Thesefolks give them back to their day, so hey until we meet again- and I reallymean this one made a fire within be the...

...happiest heights and the road youtravel, be lined with lights or guys will see next time. I T.

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