THE PURSUIT - with Patrick Kerwin
THE PURSUIT - with Patrick Kerwin

Episode 26 · 1 year ago

What Advice Would YOU Give Your 20-Something Self? | Our Best Tips on Love, Career, and Success


In this episode of our Sunday Sit Down, we look back on hard life lessons we've learned, and the advice we would pass on to our younger selves. Plus some bonus advice from our amazing community. 

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Hey go getters, welcome back to another episode of the pursuit. We go live every week to give you the big ideas need to grow yourself, your business and your impact. And now today's show we're asking a very important thought exercise, and this one's about what advice would you give your twenty something self, or, if you're in your twenty somethings, what advice would you give your dumb team self to help you navigate life to live more fully and be happier in the path that you know is before you? So, if that's something interested in and want to get more like this, make sure to like this video common blow. It helps so much with the algorithm and if you want to stay tuned to these, make sure you get notify. Any other times you go live in becially for a youtube make sure hit that belt you notified any future content. Hey, I'm Patrick, I'm Katie, and what this is gonna be an interesting one. I'm really excited to dig into this one and whether you're watching us here on Youtube, facebook, wherever you're catching us, or catching us on on the companion podcast, we're just glad you're here. So what's get right into this. We got some even stuff from the community that people going in. So I'm excited to get into some community stuff. Let's just kick it off right now. Katie'm going to turn to you on this one. You're talking to your twenty year old self. What advice would you give this wonderful person as or just getting started in their row? There have so many questions. What's one of the big piece of advice ice that you give this person? Well, thinking back to when I was in my s, I I felt very like unsure about what I was doing. I had lots of ideas and things that I was interested in, but I had kind of like no idea about who I really was or what what line of my passion I should be pursuing. So my first piece of advice is that when you're in your S, start thinking about who you really are on the inside and start feeding that. Now it's kind of strange time to be like in college or you're trying to get your first job, or you really just don't go on to Grad school or whatever, because you are working to satisfy your teacher or your professor or your boss, and a lot of it is so focused on meeting somebody else's expectations, but I wouldn't encourage anybody to really just think about who they are on the inside and have the gumption and the courage to push against your leaders and question them and question everything, because if you can really become confident in yourself and what you're questioning, Oh, I think people who are doing that are going to go far. I love that it I want to say, like question everything or everyone in your life. But if you're it's like, how do you discover your own inner leader, while you're going to have to start leading, which means you're going to have to start carving your own forward path. And that regard, before we get too deep into these and I'd again we have some community stuff we want to get into. Who First Eyes for knowledge that I am dressed thematic. I want to get into my twenty year old self. I got a Hoodie on. I'm getting into the vibe of my my you look twenty five, not a day over twenty five. My Birthday's coming up. I'll be forty. MMM for the over forty, Oh, in my s is how old I will be. I came and say it. The challenge I think a lot of us face when we go through these stages of our life is oh, it's a hard part. Is there so much we know now that we wish we knew then, like if I had only known. But it's also part of the journey of discovery. It's also part of you go through these bumps and these bruises and you get these things, but that's sort of the purpose of the road. Like, for sure, you got all. We've all got to earn our stripes. We've all got to say like, Hey, here's how I learned this lesson, nothing else, just for the bit of fit of be able to tell the stories. Oh yeah, like if we all lived in a padded room where we where someone's protected us from all the pain we'd ever experienced, we wouldn't grow, we wouldn't develop and wouldn't be the people we are today. So these questions aren't to stop our...

...past self from experiencing this, Oh yeah, but just to give us that understanding of where, how far we've gone. You know how people sometimes say, what regrets do you have? Yeah, I don't think you should ever look like maybe there's a couple things you can be like, maybe that wasn't the best choice that I made that day, but you know you probably should. I try not to forget anything, because everything you did you either learn something or you impacted something, or something impacted you. You learned what you shouldn't do or you learned what you know, what you don't like doing. So, like, even if it the experience might have really hurt at the time, I don't think you should put the regret label on it because it really taught you something. So I just don't like when people are saying, well, Wayah, what do you regret about in your past, or like, HMM, nothing, because I wouldn't be where I am today. Yeah, there's no time for regret. I think it'll that like a whole. Thats just make another one, like hey, you're going to make mistakes. Let yourself be human. There's no need to fill yourself with regret and remorse. I mean, if there's, if you done something terrible and you should feel guilt out, it is. It's always good to feel something, but let's get it. I have I have one here. Here's something that I would tell my twenty something self, and I put my arm beg assuming time travel and no time paradoxes would occur, and I wouldn't like see my past self and then time itself exploded. Let's just assume all. Let's assume that's all working. I'd say to myself, listen, you're going through some stuff right now, the stuff that you're meant to go through, and none of that's going to make sense looking forward, but I promise you would all make sense looking backwards and you look back and you'll say, oh, that's why I went through this, because it prepared me for this other opportunity. That's why I had to go through this break. That's why I the first two times. I try to business and absolutely tank everything we go through. It teaches us, it feeds us and helps us grow for that next thing that becomes our success story. So so, never try to understand look forward, but you always understand it looking backwards. What do you think about that idea of understanding it looking backwards? Why? I think that's why old people like us are so wise. I thank you for throwing yourself in with the old thank you, but I am less than on, less than forty. Your less than I am under forty. So that's positive. But that's why, as old people are so wise, and the older you get, the wiser you become. So it's kind of funny when you're like in your s and you see some forty year olds doing their thing and you're like, Oh my God, that'll never be me. Well, kind of will be. It's inevitable and those people know a lot. And even I love thinking about older, older people who are, you know, toward the toward the end of their life and college years. It's what's wisdom they have because they have experienced so much and I think sometimes we don't give those wise people the credit that there do, because I know it might seem like, you know, a little guy on your blocks telling a funny, weird story, but like he has been through a lot, he knows. You should try to tune into those people and see what you can learn from them. Yeah, they've got there, they've earned their stripes. And also the idea of used to how call them elders and now we just call them elderly. I think we need to bring elder Oh yeah, back point into the language. But you know, one of the things that you were saying kind of leads me to my next topic, which is what you're doing now really matters and even if it might not seem like it, even if you're not like kind of like what Patrick was saying, even if you're not really sure what's the point of this. What am I doing you when you're trying to just get through your days? Do you know wishing time would go faster so you can reach a point, maybe reach an age? That doesn't really matter, because what you're doing right now does matter and even if you might not know what, what good it's going to do in your future, it's probably going to do something good. So whatever you're doing, just give you best. And if you are...

...going to school, you're going to college or Grad School, try hard to get good grades, because they keep asking about those grades. Can you send me Your College transcripts? Can I not send you those scripts? You do realize that was a long time? That was real telling us. No, absolutely agree. That's you don't know the impact of the things you're doing, but that doesn't mean that the things you're doing don't matter now. Just always give it your very best, even though what you define is your best, always grow as you grow. Whatever that best is for you, I can't give it your best, because that's the one way you're we're going to feel good about anything in life. Give your best, your relationships. Give your best, I feel like I should ask them. Give your best your relationships, give your best to your health, give your best to everything you got, even though your best is always evolving. So we actual the pause. We actually have a few from the community that I want to go over. How we quick before because we have a couple more things we want to share. But here's one from lacy at lacy j fought, and also you can find her at thinks Brye. I love this one. She says nothing is easy. So if you could talk to her twenty something Stelf, she'd tell her, hey, listen, life isn't you know. But it's the phrase a ball of bag of a bowl of cheers. Life isn't all cheers. It's hard, it's got some challenges, but to be ready for the challenges because nothing is easy. And knowing lacy, I might add this to what kind of under what she's saying is whatever that thing is that you want, expect challenge. Expect it's not going to be a flat terrain. Expect and uphill battle, but it's that uphill climb that makes the victory at the top that much more worth it and satisfying. So yeah, what things easy. What's that quote? The obstacle is the way. Yes, so you have to go through it to get to get to the other side. And you know, the more you do things, the easier it becomes. The more you test yourself and the more you overcome challenges, the more you become more confident. And it's we you would your new s and you're young, you just might not be used to doing that. So you just have to practice, just do it over and over again and it'll become easier. I love that. I do want to call on with that idea. And we're in the states. Were in America right now, and one of the phrases that I love it I think kind of builds stronger on this, is that we have the freedom, we have the right to the pursuit of happiness. No one's guaranteed happiness, no one has happiness dropped off at their doorstep like Amazon duday shipping. But what you have, especially in America, is the right to pursue your happiness, the right to chase what you're looking for, and it's not always going to be easy, but I think we've said here that that pursuit is worth it, especially because we believe here at legacy life and myself, Katie, and both personally, that you as a human being have incredible gifts to offer this world and when you give them, that's what gives life it's it's flavor. I feel like even these little things were doing at like we're gonna say like twenty things, but we're only here to give with four or five we've but yeah, you talking about just provoke some new thought. By the way, if you're watching and you want to comment below with something that you would tell your twenty something self, let us know in the comments. We'd love to hear from you. We read all the comments. We loved you be part of this conversation, even if you're not watching it as we're recording this. All Right, I'm going to get into another one here. I've got another one I want to get into, and this one, this is personally something that I've learned on my journey and I use this an opportunity to tell people this as often as I possibly can. And there's so many people out there with nerves and anxiety and they're just trying to find their way to themselves. So my advice to my twenty something self would be look square in the eyes say hey, that thing you're insecure about, that quirky part of your personality that you're wondering, does the world even want to see this? Two answers. One. Yes, the world needs to see that, because that quirky thing you have, a thing that makes you uniquely.

You maybe an a little strange in your current eyes. That's your meal ticket for the future. That passion you have, that interest, you have that thing that you love, the thing that you look at you go, oh well, here all the sheep in the crowd are marching in this one line, in this direction. I feel like I'm just a little different. Good they when business, call that a differentiator. Be That unique thing that makes you you. It is your meal ticket for the future and there's no reason to feel shame about it at all. That's that's something that I would tell him. That's great. My younger self, if I had an aptunity you, would be with arm or on the shoulder too, would be like hey, listen, young man, come here and me tell you something. Of course I'd be freaked out seeing my older self, like your hair goes gray, like you need talking like that. I look good. Look good. A great called Silver Fox boy, you can get there one day. So how would i? Would you describe yourself when you were in your S, when I was in my s? Yeah, well, I saw I met you when you were twenty seven, so I forgot knew that you Andre End of your tweet. Then s. How are you in your early s? Gosh, I mean a mess. Can I say the word mess like mess, I'm gonna. I had I had a lot of insecurities, I was nervous, I had a lot of questions about life and live living, and I guess I was just more like walking around. I feel like I was experientially walking around, stumbling into things and falling over and then wondering if I could get back up after a stumbowl. But I was making, in that youth falls, making some of my first big mistakes. I got my first major car accidents. I had my first heart, big heartbreaks and break ups. I'm everything was a we talked about this. When you're young, everything is a series of firsts. It hurts more. It hurts so much more, like you're just a baby in the world, you know, like I'm twenty four, am so growing up. No, you're not just baby in the world. Because the baby in the world, little baby walking around in the world, don't even know what's going on. You. Sorry if I just hurt a feeling for somebody, but when you get double digits, when you get double that age, are like back when I was half my age. Now you think the things. Perspective changes, right, perspective change. Is there anything else that you want to add in terms of now that we're talking about anything provoked in you? I'm that and if you don't have it, that's fine. But well, so who I was when I was in my twenty this was I was also nervous and I didn't really have a lot of confidence, but I also felt like I had a lot of energy to do things, but I didn't really know what I was doing. So it was a combination of like desires to do things and also like some serious selfconscious I didn't know what I was doing, you know what I mean, and I felt just like a bit uncomfortable and just didn't like have the most positive outlook all the time. Sometimes I did, if I was like really engaged in something, at other times I was like totally questioning what am I doing and I didn't know, and I was also very hard on myself a lot of the time. You know, I've talked on this show about being a perfectionist and a people pleaser and also kind of like a high strung and uptight and a lot of ways maybe like I'm still that way sometimes. But so my last piece of advice that I would tell my twenty something self is just because something goes wrong in your s it's not the end of the world, it's not going to keep you from getting your goal. It's really not. It's just a small thing, and I think when you're in your twenties you can get kind of a narrow view and you really just don't have a concept of the big picture. So I would say don't lose sight of the big picture. Even if something goes wrong, even if you mess something up, you did something wrong, you made a mistake, like, it's really not the end of the world. And, like we just said, things hurt. They hurt so much more when you've not experienced it before. Yeah, but like once you go through hard things, and you will. You...

...will go through failures, deaths of loved ones, heartbreak, all of this, lots of hard, bad things, but the more you overcome them, you know that you can get to the other side. And that's not to say that you forget what happened. You do remember what happened to you and you either learn from that experience or you keep that bad experience in your heart in some way so it can try to change your outlook on life. But it one thing is not the end of the world. I love that. That's really, really great, and that kind of piggybacks off the looking backwards common I said earlier, like you're not going to understand it looking forwards, but you will understand it when you turn around years later and going, oh, that's why I went through that and that's why this person told me. Know, and of course you don't know any of that when you're going through it, right and how can you like be a wise counsel to your friend who has to go through something like that? Do? Yeah, man, life. That's why I love this question. I love this thought exercise because it not it's not just a time travel question. It's a can we just acknowledge how much we've all grown up? Can we just all acknowledge how much life lessons we've learned along the way and how much really we have to give by looking at this question and provoking that in you realize how why is you actually are right. So good, good job, so good. Yeah, that good time to you. First of grown up. So let me get another one here. This is and then I want to do another one from the community. This I mean I teach this to our son all the time. I teach us that, anyone I can, because I've realized how powerful words are. So my advice to my twenty something self, Hey self, remove can't from your vocabulary. Just remove it. You can do hard things and maybe you haven't done these things before, but let me tell you a couple things about yourself, young self. One, you're smart and you're savvy and you can learn. You've learned so many things. You didn't know how to walk and you learn how to walk. It didn't know how to talk, you learn how to talk. There's so many things that at first, when you tried to do it, it seemed insurnmountable. But more you practice, the more it becomes a skill, the more it becomes automated, it becomes you become unconsciously competent, as we say in the personal develop industry. And once you get to that space and you can learn anything, you can do anything, so remove can't from your vocabulary. That's one of the ones that I would personally, if I can go back in time and tell that to myself, like yeah, yeah, you can, even though it doesn't fit in your identity right now, it will want you to try it on enough times. Right. I'd say that especially about public speaking, King, especially about leadership, especially about just business, all that stuff that I don't think I had in certain innate qualities, and I think people look for in n eate qualities like Oh, why didn't come from a family of this, or I didn't come from a lineage of that. There for maybe it's not in my blood, or it's a go worch, or like the opposite, or like everybody and my family has done this. So that's what I'm going to do. Yes, yes, which is kind of what I did, which is something that really bothered me for a long time. But but even that, I would tell myself, like it's going to it's all going to work out like to where, you know, I'm very happy with what I'm doing now, but I wasn't, you know, ten years ago. Yeah, so it's another thing I would tell myself, like this all going to. Is All going to work out. It's all going to work out right. Let's go back to one from the community here. I want to come back to this one from Pitt at pitty's Mama. That's on Instagram, by the way. Stop trying to be who everyone wants you to be and just be confidently you. I think that kind of plays into what you were saying just a moment ago about there's so much that the world is asking you to be and to have the courage to carve your own path and be who you really are, and obviously that's a it's in process of discovery who you really are, but I think you and I both agree that who we are is there's this core little light that's in all of us. That is who we...

...are, and I think a lot of us spend our whole life like trying to get away from that, but really leaning into that who you all always have been. That's that's a gift. I would also add that to the gifts you can give yourself and you really have to work hard to uncover it, because wheat we tell little kids exactly what to do. We tell them what to do constantly, we tell them when to talk, we tell them when to be quiet, we tell them when to go to sleep, we tell them when to eat. They have like no look, like no Autnomus, no selfdirection, they don't, you know. They we tell them what to say, we tell them how to talk, we tell them how to be and like. So that happens to all of us and it happens from, you know, the time we can remember anything, and then we go to school and then the teachers tell us what to do, and we're on the sports team and the sports coach tells us what to do, and then, I don't know, we're in the dorm and then they're telling us what to do all the time. Oh my God, no wonder, no better. It's hard to overcome that. So if if we could just man I don't know, I don't know how to solve that problem, because how do you parent? You know what I mean? It's like you have to try to find a balance when you are trying to guide someone and teaching them what to do. That's a hard one, though, is a hard woman. I can I get to share with you something that I've the way I've done it, and this basic contrary to maybe some people, spend time alone with yourself. Sometimes the only way to get in touch with your own voice is to get away from everyone else's voice, and whether that's sitting in meditation or going on retreat or you got to spend time with you to get to know you and do some of the exercises and maybe work with some of the coaches and things like that. The help you, therapist, whatever. They help you dial in and tune into your own channel, because otherwise everyone else's voice with his drying out your own and you won't really know who you are in the world. And then, if you like. Wouldn't it be great if we started to do that in our early s rather than in our early S, which I think is when a lot of people like you suddenly start might get into more personal development? I mean, that wasn't on my raider at all when I was in my early S. I was I was trying to win the race. I think I was trying to really be in the race and try to win instead of thinking like what what do I want to be doing? Yeah, what's your North Star? What guides you? How do you think of that ideas? Yeah, I don't think I had a very good compass that age. All I got two more for you and then we'll we'll close out today. So hang out. We got two more here for you. The lessons that I wish I knew in my sor or said another way, if I can go back in time, Pope, put your armor on your past self. What would you say to yourself again? Let us know in the comments what you would say. What advice, wisdom you pass on? I got two more for you. Here's number one. This, man, this is this is a big one for me. I'd say self. Your thoughts are things, so stand guard at the door of your mind, because the thoughts you think, they have negative thought and makes a negative feeling and then the negative state of mind, you're making negative decisions which are negatively impacting your future. So if you want to change your future, if you want to become the person that you're proud of, you have to start with this understanding that thoughts are real things, they have substance and those thoughts affect your future. So staying guard at the door of your mind. Now, I know this is something you agree with, HMM, big time, and the lessons you've learned this late, though. This wasn't something that you were just like in your twenties, like, yeah, thoughts affect my reality. This is something that you've kind of more recently come into. Definitely, definitely, and I wish I had. I wish I had had more of a concept of that when I'm young, when I was younger. It's fine to start digging into anything at any time in your life. I don't care if you're in S, Fifty S, s, I don't care, you know, if you can start to consider your thoughts and the subconscious programming that we have, and how can we look at those thoughts and determine, because...

...this thought, is this a true thing, or is it just a thought? Is it a thing or a real thing? You know, you said your thoughts are things. Yes, that is absolutely true, and you could have this false thought in your mind that is just filtering everything that you see. But I totally agree. I like that idea of the filter. It's like a lens in which we're seeing ourselves, the world and life itself. I got one more and it's all about relationship. So let's talk about relationships. As I mean, if I didn't go back and put my arm around my past off and give any relationship advice, I would call that not worth the time crystals that it took to go back in time. Right. So here's what I would tell my pass off in curious what would you tell your past self round relationships? Let us know in the comments blow. But here's the one I would pass on, and we actually have an episode on this. I'll put a put a link bill above here in a minute. Be Whole into yourself when it comes relationship, comes to being successful in love and connection and friendships, the whole onto yourself. Don't ask someone else to love the parts of you that you will not love yourself all, I'm arrogant and Blah, Blah Blah, I don't like those parts. I said, Hey, we well, you like those things? Will you love those things? No, why are you putting that on somebody else? That's your job to be whole onto yourself, to love all the parts of yourself and then get into relationship with someone where you share that love you have for yourself in the parts of yourself with someone else, versus asking someone else to take down the things that you and me want to touch. That's a to me. is or some version of that, is what I would impart upon my struggling lost twenty something self who had no idea how to navigate the world of relationships. I think if I only knew that, the problems I could have dodged right in my life right and while you were talking, I was thinking how a lot of people who get together when they're very young, the relationship doesn't necessarily work out, because you both didn't really know who you were on the individual level and then you said, like I you've felt that you had expectations about who that person should be or who they would be, and then it didn't turn out to be that way. But like if both people in the relationship were kind of on solid footing on their own, I think it would be much more likely that they would land with the right person and then have a successful relationship. So that's really interesting. But you know, I feel like a lot of people are getting together later in life. Yeah, HMM, for the reason? Yeah, I mean for that reason, because they're pe they've spent so much time working on themselves or maybe like pursuing their personal career goals or school goals or whatever they're doing, and then kind of land with a nice person. So I think that's rather beautiful and I don't think it's necessary just to try to get married up when you're younger. Get married less. That's your less that thing. Just make sure that you are good with yourself. You can't really control other people, but if you can be good with yourself, I think that you will attract the right person into your life who will, you know, be a good compliment to you, not to finish you up, but just to be a good compliment it. Yeah, exactly. It's instead of like the picturing two half circles that nakel whole garbage, pictured to whole circles holding hands. Right, that's what that's what we really want to get to. All right, guys, thanks so much for tuning in for another episode of the pursuit. We hope you'll learn something. If you get if you want to stay tuned to other episodes like this, other content like this, make sure to like this video. We love likes. A button. That's right there. Just got high five that like button. Subscribe to the channel. Hit that, beldy. Be notified of any future content? Will you be notified every time we go live or make any content like this? So, Katie, let's let's say goodbye these folks. Give them back to their day so hey. Until we meet again, and I really mean this one, made a fire within, be the happiest heights...

...and the road you travel be ligned with lights. Our guys will see you next time. I.

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